Often, the person seeking advice already knows the answer deep down. They are just scared, confused, or looking for validation. Giving them a direct order can feel like you’re taking away their autonomy. A more powerful approach is to use questions to help them uncover their own wisdom.
This Socratic method turns a one-sided lecture into a collaborative discovery session. Instead of making statements, ask empowering questions:
- Instead of saying, “You should quit your soul-crushing job,” ask: “Imagine we’re sitting here a year from now. What needs to have happened for you to feel happy and proud of your career?”
- Instead of, “You need to break up with him,” ask: “What would you advise your best friend to do if she were in your exact situation?”
- A classic and powerful question is: “If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?”
These questions force the person to step outside of their fear and access their own inner mentor, leading them to a conclusion that feels authentic to them.
Sometimes, a person is too locked into their own perspective to see a situation clearly. A creative way to break this deadlock is through a simple role-playing exercise.
Imagine a friend is complaining about their boss and wants advice on how to ask for a raise. After listening, suggest a perspective shift:
“Okay, this is interesting. For the next five minutes, let’s switch roles. You be your boss, and I’ll be you. I’m going to make the case for my raise, and you need to respond exactly as you think your boss would.”
As your friend steps into their boss’s shoes, they are forced to confront the situation from the other side. They might realize their arguments aren’t as strong as they thought, or they might uncover the potential objections their boss will have. This interactive method often reveals more truth and provides more clarity than any piece of direct “you should say this” advice.